A great use of prompt here. Wasn't very "festive" but I really enjoyed reading this story.
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Comments
Thank you very much! I guess I forgot about that "festive" part, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Man, what a picture-perfect example of "less is more". At first, I found myself wishing for more details, more background, but I realized that would've just bogged things down. Jamriot said it really well, you got into an undeniable flow that moved along at a nice, brisk pace.
I appreciate it! I was tempted to go into more detail, but its like you said: Less is more. Thank you again.
jamriot
Wow! What a powerful piece for being so short! Thank you for your participation!
In the first half or so of this piece, I was struggling to discern dialogue from exposition, due to the lack of any spacing, italics, and/or quotation marks. You don't need all of these, but at least one of these may have helped your piece be tracked easier without disrupting the flow you had established.
And what a flow you established! I was intrigued early on by what the issue plaguing the story was, and you revealed it in a way that rode the line of mysterious and followable perfectly, not falling into complete confusion at any moment, but also not simply telling the audience what the answer was.
The second half of this piece, void of any of the confusion caused by the form mentioned in the first half, was incredibly powerful. You did a really, really wonderful job writing out not only the disturbing nature of the condition the narrator is plagued with (I assume osteoporosis?), but also the arguably more disturbing nature of the effect this condition has on their life and relationships. This is one of few pieces that got a genuine emotional reaction out of me, and I definitely commend you for that.
Thanks again for your participation, winners will be announced here on Newgrounds and on my Discord very soon! Stay tuned!
TheJudddman
Holy Shit! Thank you so much! I Didn't think it would do so well! I appreciate the advice greatly. To explain the lack of punctuation for the dialogue, I had recently read The Road by Cormac McCarthy and liked how he didn't use punctuation on dialogue to add immersion. I probably could have incorporated it better, so I with try to make it more clear next time. Again, thank you for your advice and kind words, and I'm excited for the next Writer's jam.