This was a really good read! You nailed the atmosphere, and details like the beatings after getting blood on the shirts go far in making the story believable. I was also drawn in by Santi and Jose early on, the conversation did a good job of showing their dynamic.
At the end of the story, I just wished for more closure - I was really looking forward to seeing how it went while he served drinks. Given that one of the last lines is "And so I, Santiago Hernandez, would spend the next few years of my life hatching a plan to escape", I'm guessing it didn't work out how he had hoped! I understand that there's only so much you can do between word count and time limits for the jam, though.
If you ever continue this story, I'm definitely down to read more!
jamriot
Really powerful work! Good commentary on real-world issues and your characterization was on point for the few different people present in this story. Thanks for participating and I hope to see you participating again in future events!
TheJudddman
Really? I appreciate it! I'll be honest, I have no idea how I get it right. Thank you so much! I'll have to go around and ask questions on how to write. Thank you again!